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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28648599">Worthy of Love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesipiratecat/pseuds/lesipiratecat'>lesipiratecat</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Law &amp; Order: SVU</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Continuation, Cunnilingus, F/F, Face-Sitting, Family Feels, Lesbian Sex, Love Confessions</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 13:33:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,465</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28648599</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesipiratecat/pseuds/lesipiratecat</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Amanda goes to comfort Olivia after the case is over and, in the process, confesses her feelings for the lieutenant.</p>
<p>A continuation of season 20 episode 19 "Dearly Beloved"</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Olivia Benson/Amanda Rollins</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Worthy of Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is a continuation of season 20 episode 19 "Dearly Beloved". There is a short recap of the main events of the episode and a couple direct quotes.</p>
<p>I have a lot of episode-based fics in the works. Some that have love confessions and some that have them already together. I haven't decided if I want to make them a collection/series or just have them all be their own...</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Amanda alerting her to the pregnancy test box in the trash. Kitty’s disgust. “I never thought that my baby’s father would be the man who raped me.” “I could never love a baby who was conceived by a monster.” “I’m getting rid of this thing.” Kitty repeatedly calling the baby “it” but not because she didn’t know the sex; rather, it was out of contempt and hatred. Olivia breaking down and having a panic attack in the stairwell, losing herself in flashbacks of her mother. Staring out the window of her office, clearly not okay, but only Amanda had the balls to come and check on her, only Amanda would come out of the interaction with a real answer and everyone knew it. Still, she had tried to lie and say she was fine more for appearances than anything else. “When I was 15 years old,” she’d confessed to Amanda when it was clear the blonde wasn’t going to accept her pathetic attempt at a lie. She had told the detective about how she came into existence a while ago but she’d never gone into too much detail, into the trauma her conception caused both her mother and her. Both because it was too painful and because she hadn’t trusted the blonde as much back then. But now the wound, naively thought long-since healed, had been ripped open again, and Amanda, with her concern and all of Olivia’s trust, was right there, ready to listen and support her. “I overheard her on the phone, talking to someone, and I heard her say, ‘How could I love someone that was conceived by… a monster?’” She’d taken a moment to force the thickness in her throat away and regain her voice. “That’s exactly what Kitty said to me.” Olivia could see the sadness for her in Amanda’s eyes. But before Amanda could speak, Carisi had burst in, quickly sensing the heavy mood in the room. He’d asked if everything was okay, but Amanda was the only one allowed to see Olivia weak, so she instantly went back into lieutenant-mode. After Carisi told her that the paternity test matched the suspect, she dismissed them both, telling them to pick Hensley up. Amanda looked at her like she wanted to stay, but she could tell that the moment had passed. The job had to come first. The rest of the case was messy, with Kitty attacking Hensley, but it paid off. With Lana’s testimony as well as Kitty’s, Hensley was done. Olivia went to tell Kitty herself, and they ended up going for a walk and talking.</em>
</p>
<p>Now, finally, Olivia was home and she could work on putting this case and the emotions, thoughts, and memories that it had produced behind her. Spending time with Noah usually helped, and she couldn’t wait. She paused as she heard voices inside her apartment; it was more than just Lucy and Noah in there. Her hand was halfway to her weapon when she heard laughter. Amanda’s. Olivia relaxed, but she was still confused; she hadn’t invited Amanda over, so what was she doing here? She quickly opened her door and went inside. She looked around and saw the blonde detective sitting on the floor with Noah, Jesse, Billie, and Lucy. They were playing a board game, and it was clear that Noah was winning by the victory dance he was doing. Jesse was giggling adorably. Lucy was grinning, amused though accustomed to Noah’s antics. Olivia was frozen for a moment as she gaped at Amanda. The blonde was so beautiful as happy as she looked. Her smile was wide and the corners of her eyes were crinkled. She seemed to shine like a star. Amanda rarely expressed emotions that weren’t serious, angry, or upset that Olivia got to witness. She soaked in the image while she could. It wasn’t long before Amanda seemed to notice Olivia was home and staring at her. She looked over and Olivia was disappointed to see the blonde’s inner walls going up. Some of the joy faded from her face, but she still appeared pleased to see her lieutenant. Noah noticed the slight change in Amanda and looked for the cause of it. When he saw his mother, he cried joyfully, “Mommy! You’re home!” and ran to her.</p>
<p>She crouched down and opened her arms for him. “There’s my sweet boy,” she said lovingly. She kissed and hugged him tight. “Did you throw a party while I wasn’t home?” she teased.</p>
<p>Noah giggled, “No. Aunt Amanda just came over. She brought Jesse and Billie.”</p>
<p>“I can see that. Are you having fun?”</p>
<p>“Yeah!” With that, he let her go so he could return to his spot next to Jesse. It warmed Liv’s heart to see him getting along so well with Amanda’s daughters. (Mostly Jesse since Billie was still too young to really play, but he was very sweet towards her.) “Come play with us Mommy!”</p>
<p>“I will sweetie, but let me talk to Amanda alone for a few minutes.” She looked at Amanda before greeting her sitter. “Hi Lucy. Everything go okay today?”</p>
<p>“He was a joy as always. I’ll keep these rugrats company while you two talk.” As she said the word rugrats, she reached over to tickle Jesse and Noah, earning laughs from both of them. Then she opened her arms so Amanda could pass her Billie, which the blonde did so. Then she followed Liv into the kitchen nervously.</p>
<p>“I hope it’s okay that we just showed up without a word,” Amanda spoke before Liv could. “My momma would tear me a new one for bein’ so rude,” she only half-joked.</p>
<p>“Oh no, it’s fine. I am curious why you’re here though. You’ve never come here unannounced before. Is everything okay?”</p>
<p>“You tell me.” Amanda’s worried, sympathetic expression and tone prompted her to be honest. “We didn’t get to finish our talk.”</p>
<p>Olivia sighed. She shot a quick look to Noah to make sure he wasn’t listening; he was deeply invested in the game and talking with Lucy and Jesse. Still, she lowered her voice to answer, “I just spoke to Kitty. It seems like she might be keeping the baby. She wasn’t sure yet, but there was a light in her eyes as she told me she’d felt the baby move.”</p>
<p>Amanda breathed out heavily. “Well, you must be happy; you must’ve convinced her.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t- That wasn’t my intention.” Olivia sputtered.</p>
<p>“Like it wasn’t your intention to talk me out of it?” Amanda cocked an eyebrow and smirked so Liv could tell she wasn’t mad at her.</p>
<p>Still, she felt like she needed to explain. “Amanda, I’m sorry if I pressured you to do something you didn’t want. You know I’m pro-choice.”</p>
<p>Amanda gave her a small yet comforting smile, “I know, Liv, and you didn’t. I value your opinion but if I had really wanted to get an abortion, I would’ve no matter what you said. But we both know you’re a little biased. You make it obvious that you think the fetus deserves to live. I just think you should be more careful not to instill so much guilt in the victim.”</p>
<p>The brunette glared at her. “That’s not what I do.” Amanda knew that wasn’t what Olivia <em>meant</em> to do, but she was too close to see things objectively, so Amanda didn’t argue. Still, Liv must’ve seen Amanda’s disagreement on her face because she continued, “I warned Kitty that, if she did end up keeping the baby, it wouldn’t be easy; she’d probably struggle with it some days. But is it so wrong to… <em>Someone</em> should speak on behalf of the baby. Someone should speak up and say, ‘you deserve to live and you deserve to be loved and not judged by the circumstances of your creation.’ Who better than me?” Her voice broke, and she turned to steady herself against the counter. She looked at Noah, her light in a dark world. He was a product of rape too, yet his birth mother had loved him and Olivia loved him more than she ever could’ve thought she’d love anything. He was lucky. “I know that part of my mother loved me,” Liv whispered, referencing what she had told Amanda the other day. “But part of her hated me too. Those two parts were constantly at war with one another, and I know that, til her dying day, she was still dealing with it, still looking for reasons to love me or not. No one was there to remind her that it wasn’t my fault, that I deserved love… that I wasn’t a monster like my father.” Her voice became a whisper and, once again, she had to fight back sobs.</p>
<p>“You are <em>not </em>a monster,” Amanda said urgently and vehemently, stepping into the brunette’s personal space and rubbing her lower back comfortingly. It physically hurt her to see the woman she loved in so much pain. “You <em>do</em> deserve love, and you <em>are</em>.”</p>
<p>“Sometimes… Sometimes, it doesn’t feel that way,” Olivia admitted so quietly that Amanda almost didn’t hear her. “Cases like this always bring up those feelings.”</p>
<p>“Liv, look at me. Look at me.” She gently pushed at Olivia’s arm. The brunette allowed herself to be turned. She finally looked up a few seconds after Amanda requested the second time. Amanda took the other woman’s hands in her own and squeezed them slightly. She looked into those beautiful, brown eyes and said passionately, “You, Olivia Margret Benson, are <em>so</em> loved and you deserve it. Stone, Barba, Carisi, Fin, Lucy, Jesse, and Billie, they all love you. Noah loves you.”</p>
<p>“Noah tells me he hates me sometimes,” Olivia interrupted. “He says he loves Lucy more.”</p>
<p>Amanda knew Olivia knew this deep down, but she said it anyway since it seemed like the other woman needed to hear it from someone else, “He doesn’t mean it. Kids say that kinda stuff to their parents when they’re angry and not getting their way. That boy adores you; he talks about you so much when you’re not around.”</p>
<p>Olivia nodded. Logically, she knew that, but, while it was nice hearing it, at that moment it just wasn’t reaching her as much as she wished. Then she asked, suddenly shy, “And you? You didn’t mention yourself.”</p>
<p>In all honesty, Amanda had planned on never telling the brunette how she really felt about her. Amanda’s track record with relationships was terrible. If anyone was keeping score it was Fate/God/whatever you wanna call it: all the points, Amanda: none of the points. She’d even had real feelings for some of the guys she dated or slept with and, still, she couldn’t get it to work. It was her fault, she knew. She had trust and commitment issues coming out her ears. But looking at Olivia now, Amanda realized she already trusted Olivia with every fiber of her being. As for commitment, Amanda had been committed to SVU and to Olivia for years, and she planned on never leaving if she could help it. So what exactly was holding her back? Of course, there was the fear that Olivia didn’t have feelings for her back, but she was a big girl, she could handle rejection. As long as Olivia didn’t fire her, which she was pretty sure Liv wouldn’t do. There was also fear that she wasn’t good enough for the brunette. She knew she still had a lot of issues that she refused to work on, believed that she was over even though a voice in the back of her mind whispered that she wasn’t and would never be, issues that were probably holding her back from being the best and happiest version of herself. But she could give herself a bit of credit; she was better than she used to be. She’d done some work on herself. She knew that Olivia thought she was worth the effort. Maybe she’d think a relationship with her would be worth the effort too. Olivia wasn’t perfect either; she had her own issues, and Amanda was more than willing to deal with those.</p>
<p>“Liv, you know that I respect you, that I trust you, and that I would do anything for you. But for a long time, I’ve also had other feelings for you too. So when I say that I love you, I don’t mean it like how everyone else does.”</p>
<p>Olivia looked back at Amanda, shocked. “I didn’t think you were…?”</p>
<p>“Gay? I’m not. Not bi either. I’ve never had feelings like this for a woman before. It’s just you.”</p>
<p>“Wow,” Liv whispered, seemingly unable to say anything else for the moment.</p>
<p>“You don’t have to say anything. I just ask that you don’t fire me.”</p>
<p>“Why would I fire you?” Before Amanda could answer, Liv tightened her grip on her hands and said, “Amanda, I’m in love you too.”</p>
<p>Now it was Amanda’s turn to be shocked. “You are? Since when?”</p>
<p>“Uh, I don’t know exactly, but I realized I felt that way about you when you almost moved in with Al,” Liv confessed sheepishly.</p>
<p>“Liv! That was months ago!” Amanda quietly exclaimed.</p>
<p>“Well how long have you known about your feelings for me?” Olivia challenged.</p>
<p>Amanda huffed out a chuckle, “Fair point. I’ve loved you since we first met. I had convinced myself I had fallen out of love with you for a while there, but that was a lie. Truth is, I fall more and more in love with you all the time. Every time we talk without saying words, every time we argue, every time you’re there for me when I don’t want you to be or don’t appear appreciative, every time you tell me I’ve done a good job, every time you push me to get the truth. You are the one of the few people I know that can make me feel small and inadequate and blood-boilingly angry one minute and larger-than-life, important, and comforted the next. I love you because you are worthy of love; you’re amazing, compassionate, strong, determined, loyal. You’re beautiful inside and out. How could anyone <em>not</em> love you?”</p>
<p>“Amanda,” Liv gasped, a beautiful and adorable blush brightening her cheeks. “I… You’ve caught me off guard.”</p>
<p>Amanda smirked, “That’s never stopped ya before, but I’ll take mercy on ya. If you kiss me.”</p>
<p>Olivia let go of Amanda’s hands so she could cup her face. She did so gently, with so much reverence, that it took Amanda’s breath away. She looked at Amanda with love and admiration. Olivia didn’t need to use words; everything she wanted to say was written all over her face, in her hands, in the way she stepped even closer and leaned down, in her kiss. She kissed Amanda softly as if she was afraid the blonde would break if she kissed her any harder. Amanda had never been kissed like this before. She’d never felt more precious, more loved. The kiss didn’t last more than a few seconds and was chaste, but when Olivia released her, it was like she stole all the air out of Amanda’s lungs. She didn’t even realize she was chasing after Olivia’s lips until the older woman chuckled as she placed a finger over Amanda’s lips. “Why don’t we say goodbye to Lucy and tuck the kids into bed? I’m sure Noah would love to have a sleepover with the girls.”</p>
<p>Amanda’s brain was just starting to come back online. “Uh, yeah, sure. Wait, no. I didn’t bring us anything for a sleepover. Toothbrushes, pjs.”</p>
<p>Olivia smiled, “I have extra toothbrushes, some of Noah’s old baby clothes for Billie, and, if Jesse doesn’t wanna wear some of Noah’s clean pyjamas, I have some old t-shirts she can wear. I have to admit, the idea of you wearing my clothes turns me on.”</p>
<p>“Well shit Liv. Maybe you can see that tomorrow morning, but I was hoping tonight I wouldn’t be needing clothes.”</p>
<p>Olivia swallowed roughly as she looked Amanda up and down, undressing her with her eyes. “I’d- I’d like that.”</p>
<p>Amanda grinned and flashed her a wink before kissing Olivia briefly once move. This time, she was the one who left Olivia reeling as she went back into the living room area and announced, “Who all wants to have a sleepover?”</p>
<p>Noah and Jesse instantly started screaming excitedly. Olivia came back in as they were celebrating. Noah ran to his mom and demanded, “Can they really stay mommy?”</p>
<p>“’Course they can! Jesse is gonna have to borrow some clothes though. Why don’t you go show her your pjs and let her pick something out? If she doesn’t like anything, then she can borrow something of mine, okay?”</p>
<p>“Okay!” He rushed back over to Jesse and held out his hand. “Come on!”</p>
<p>Jesse took his hand, and they ran back to Noah’s bedroom. Olivia and Amanda shared a look that expressed how amused they were to see the sibling-like antics. Then Amanda held her hands out so Lucy could give Billie back to her. After she did so, Lucy pulled on her jacket as she said with a knowing look and tone, “Have fun with your sleepover you two.”</p>
<p>Olivia blushed while Amanda chuckled and playfully said, “Oh, we will.”</p>
<p>Lucy laughed and left.</p>
<p>Liv locked the door behind her before turning to say, “I keep Noah’s infant clothes in a box in my room.” She graciously grabbed Billie’s carrier and baby bag and led the way to her bedroom, knowing Amanda would follow. They heard Noah and Jesse talking and giggling in Noah’s room as they passed by. Liv went to her closet while Amanda went to go place Billie on Liv’s bed. As Liv pulled the box out, she asked, “Would you like to pick?”</p>
<p>“Nah. Surprise us,” Amanda answered as she began to remove Billie’s day outfit.</p>
<p>Liv pulled out a random onesie; it was blue and black stripes. She held it up for Amanda’s approval. “It might be a little big on her but it’s one of the smallest.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure it’ll be fine. Say, ‘Thanks Auntie Liv.’” She said the last words in a high-pitched voice as she held up a now mostly-naked-except-for-her-diaper Billie and tilted her back and forth, making the baby smile.</p>
<p>Olivia laughed and passed the onesie to Amanda, who began to redress her. “I still have Noah’s crib, but it’s broken down.”</p>
<p>“Don’t worry about it. She can sleep in her carrier.”</p>
<p>“Is that safe?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. We’ll keep her with us so we’ll know if there’s a problem, but I swear, this kid can sleep anywhere, through anything.”</p>
<p>“Okay, well, I’d feel better if we at least put a blanket down under her so she doesn’t get tangled in the straps or anything.” Liv started doing just that, grabbing her softest blanket and laying it over the carrier.</p>
<p>Amanda chuckled, “Sure, Liv.”</p>
<p>While Amanda finished with Billie, Olivia went to check on their other two kids. She poked her head in Noah’s room and found them both already dressed in their pjs and sitting on Noah’s bed playing Go Fish. “Did you two brush your teeth already too?”</p>
<p>“Yep!” Jesse answered.</p>
<p>“Yes mommy!”</p>
<p>They both flashed her wide smiles as if to prove they weren’t lying. She chuckled and said, “Alright. It’s almost bedtime. As soon as I pull out the sofa-bed, okay?”</p>
<p>“Can’t Jesse stay with me?” Noah whined.</p>
<p>“Pleeeeeaaaaasssseeee!” Jesse begged, even going so far as to clasp her hands together in front of her. Noah copied her and started pouting exaggeratedly.</p>
<p>Olivia was weak against them. “Okay.”</p>
<p>“Yay!” They both cheered.</p>
<p>“But it’s still time for bed.”</p>
<p>“Awh!” They whined.</p>
<p>“Ten more minutes?” Noah asked.</p>
<p>“No, sweetie. Come on. Get under the covers you two. I’ll tuck you in.”</p>
<p>“Can you read us a story? We sleep better when we get a story.” Noah batted his eyelashes at her. The picture of innocence.</p>
<p>Olivia almost laughed at her son’s manipulation skills. He’d definitely learned that from her somehow. She managed to keep a stern face as she nodded, “Okay. I’ll read you a story, but then you guys have to go to sleep. Okay?”</p>
<p>“Okay mommy.”</p>
<p>“Okay Auntie Livy.”</p>
<p>Olivia helped them get tucked in bed with Jesse between Noah and the wall. She handed Noah his favorite stuffed animal, an elephant named Eddie, which he put in between them so Jesse could hug it too. Olivia’s heart melted at her son’s sweet offer as well as at the sight of the two children, each with an arm draped over Eddie. Noah’s hand ended up on Jesse’s side and Jesse’s on Noah’s shoulder. She reached for the nearest book and sat at the end of the bed as she read it. The longer she read, the sleepier the kids got until, finally, Jesse’s eyes closed and then Noah’s. Liv finished the book just in case then she set it back down, leaned over the kids, and gave both of them a gentle, loving forehead kiss. When she turned around to leave, she saw that Amanda was standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame with a soft smile on her face. Her eyes were shinning as if she might cry. Olivia gave her a look, silently asking if she was okay. Amanda nodded but held up a finger to let Liv know that she had something to say. She stepped into the room so Liv moved out of her way. Amanda went to the little ones and gave them goodnight kisses on their foreheads too. Now, it was Olivia’s turn to feel choked up. It felt like she and Amanda were a proper, long-time couple, kissing their children goodnight. Domestic. Liv wondered if perhaps she were looking into the future, if this might become a permanent thing. Family. Officially. She hoped so.</p>
<p>She blinked away tears as she watched Amanda turn off the lights and close the door. “Leave it a little bit open,” she whispered before the blonde could close it all the way. “Noah doesn’t like complete darkness.”</p>
<p>Amanda nodded and did as asked. Then Liv grabbed Amanda and gently pulled her close so she could kiss her soundly. After a minute, Amanda gasped, “Guess you were feeling it too.”</p>
<p>Liv didn’t need a further explanation. She nodded. Those feelings were too big to talk about right now, so she asked, “Is Billie asleep?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. If you’re not comfortable doing anything with her in the same room, I can assure you she will not wake up for several hours. She’s clean, comfortable, and fed. We just can’t be too loud.”</p>
<p>That was obvious and required no response so Olivia just kept kissing Amanda. She guided the blonde backwards into her bedroom. They stumbled a couple of times, but Amanda knew that Olivia would never let her fall, so she giggled. Olivia did too. Finally, they made it to Liv’s bedroom. Liv closed and locked the door, not wanting the kids to walk in on them, while Amanda went to sit on the bed. Olivia stepped forward until she was between Amanda’s parted legs. She cupped Amanda’s face with one hand and stroked her cheek with her thumb. Amanda placed her hands on her hips and looked up at her like she’d hung the moon and all the stars in the sky. “You’re so beautiful,” Liv whispered.</p>
<p>The younger woman blushed and looked away briefly. “Not as beautiful as you.”</p>
<p>“Your eyes are amazingly blue,” Liv continued. “Did you know that they change shades slightly depending on your mood?” Amanda didn’t, so she stayed silent, hanging on Olivia’s every word. “They darken to cerulean when you’re angry. They take on a greyish tint when you’re especially pensive. They go icy blue when you’re sad. When you’re in a good mood, they’re the color of the sky. I could spend hours just staring into them.”</p>
<p>“There’s no way they change that much,” Amanda mumbled skeptically. Uncomfortable with this level of compliment.</p>
<p>“It’s subtle. You have to really be looking.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, well, your eyes are amazing too,” Amanda wanted to change the subject but it wasn’t any less true, “They’re so expressive. I’m surprised you haven’t killed anyone with that glare of yours; it’s terrifying. Yet when you smile, like really smile, your eyes shine as if your very soul is leaking out. I feel blessed just to glimpse that light let alone have it aimed at me. You’re like a lighthouse, guiding people, guiding me through the dark.”</p>
<p>“God, Amanda. I love you so much.”</p>
<p>“I love you too Liv. Now bring those lips back down here.”</p>
<p>Olivia huffed a laugh before hurriedly returning her lips to Amanda’s. Amanda slipped her fingers into Liv’s butt-pockets and pulled until the brunette straddled her lap. Then she reached up and began to slide the other woman’s blazer off. Liv moved her arms and allowed Amanda to do so. Only it got stuck around her biceps when it bunched up too much to move. Amanda struggled with it while Liv shimmied. After a couple heartbeats, they started cackling. “You been workin’ out Liv?” Amanda questioned with a grin. “Gettin’ bigger guns?”</p>
<p>“Just wanted to be in better shape. Bigger muscles is a bonus.”</p>
<p>“I’ll say,” Amanda purred. “But for the record, you look gorgeous, always have and always will.”</p>
<p>“Even when I’m old, wrinkled, and grey?” A flicker of insecurity flashed in Liv’s eyes.</p>
<p>“Definitely,” Amanda vowed, hoping she soothed Liv’s self-doubt. “I can promise you I’ll still be trying to jump your bones when we’re living in a retirement community.”</p>
<p>Olivia grinned, her heart swelling at the suggestion that Amanda wanted to be with her forever. “Same here,” she promised.</p>
<p>Amanda smiled joyfully. Then she returned her focus to Liv’s blazer. “Alright, let’s get this off. Hold still.” She un-bunched it then tugged the sleeves off consecutively. It hit the floor and Olivia slid her hands into Amanda’s soft, light locks and kissed her again. Amanda grabbed Liv’s luscious ass and rubbed her thighs. They were in no rush, wanting to drag this out as long as possible. When it felt right, Amanda moved her hands around to undo Liv’s pants and then yanked her blouse out. She glided her hands up and under it, moving it upwards until she reached Liv’s armpits. Olivia lifted her arms, allowing Amanda to render her topless save for her bra. But only for a moment before she took that off too. Amanda only had a vague idea of what she was doing; she knew what she liked and the general erogenous areas on a woman’s body. She had tried watching lesbian porn once sometime after she came to terms with her feelings for Olivia, but any kind of porn just wasn’t for her. Despite that, Amanda didn’t feel nervous, and she didn’t hesitate to take Liv’s breasts in her hands. They were ample and soft. Her scars from Lewis were faint. Though she knew Liv would never forget what that monster had done to her, Amanda was glad that she at least didn’t have to see such a blatant reminder every time she was naked. She used her thumbs to fiddle with Liv’s nipples, coaxing them into hardness. She looked into Liv’s eyes and asked, “Is this okay?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Liv gasped.</p>
<p>“You’ll tell me if I do something wrong or that you don’t like?”</p>
<p>Liv nodded. “I will if you will.”</p>
<p>Amanda rolled her eyes jokingly and smiled, “Deal.”</p>
<p>“Can I take off your shirt?”</p>
<p>“You don’t have to ask, baby.”</p>
<p>So Liv stripped Amanda and tossed her shirt on the floor. “Bra too?” Amanda opened her mouth but Liv cut her off, “Right. Don’t need to ask. Sorry.”</p>
<p>“Don’t be. It means a lot that you want my consent, but I’m telling you, you have it completely. I’ll tell you if I don’t like something, but until then you have a green light and an open country road.” She purposefully thickened her accent while saying the second half of that sentence and winked.</p>
<p>Olivia laughed. Then she circled her arms around Amanda so she could undo her bra. She touched Amanda’s cream-colored skin with reverence, bending down to place a gentle kiss on the blonde’s gunshot scar. It was faint- not as faint as Liv’s own scars because Amanda’s wound had been so much deeper and taken longer to heal than hers. Olivia remembered being so scared seeing the blonde lying wounded on the ground like that. She’d thought she was going to lose her. She should’ve realized then that she had feelings for Amanda. She chuckled to herself at her own stupidity. She kissed across Amanda’s collarbone and up her throat after gently tilting Amanda’s head back with her thumb under Amanda’s chin. The younger woman gasped. Liv felt it when she swallowed roughly. She sucked Amanda’s pulse-point, feeling as it increased.</p>
<p>“Liv,” Amanda moaned. “If you give me a hickey, I’m gonna have some questions I need to answer.”</p>
<p>“Want me not to?” Liv asked, without removing her mouth from Amanda’s skin.</p>
<p>“Fuck no.”</p>
<p>Olivia sucked harder. She felt a flash of satisfaction knowing Amanda was going to be wearing her mark for the next few days. She’d feel bad about it if Amanda wasn’t moaning like crazy. Eventually, she moved on, kissing her way up Amanda’s jaw and back to her lips. This kiss was more heated; their lips bruised and their teeth collided and their tongues danced. Amanda fisted Liv’s hair and tugged it, holding her close for a few moments before pulling it to angle Liv’s head back. Olivia gasped, then moaned as Amanda licked her throat. The blonde placed kisses all across Olivia’s chest before paying special attention to her nipples which she sucked and lathed with her tongue.</p>
<p>“God, Amanda,” Liv moaned.</p>
<p>“Am I making you feel good?”</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>“I want to make you feel amazing.” Amanda continued to play with Liv’s nipples.</p>
<p>“You already are, sweetheart.”</p>
<p>“Well, then I want to make you feel more amazing,” Amanda chuckled. “Stand up for me?”</p>
<p>Liv quickly moved off Amanda’s lap. Amanda reached for her pants and dragged them down, leaving her in just her panties. Then she slipped her fingers under those too. She quickly looked at Liv just to make sure she was still good. The older woman was giving her a heated, hopeful look. Amanda gave her a reassuring smile and relieved her of the final article of clothing. She took a moment to take in Olivia in all her nakedness. “Fuck Liv. You’re fucking gorgeous. I wanna kiss you all over.”</p>
<p>“What are you waiting for?” Olivia challenged.</p>
<p>Amanda slid onto her knees and she did exactly as she said. She kissed Olivia’s stomach, hips, and just above her mound, earning several gasps and moans from the woman above her. She grabbed Liv’s hands and placed them on her head. Liv dug her fingers into Amanda’s hair, using her as an anchor as Amanda lifted Liv’s leg. “Place your foot on the bed,” Amanda ordered.</p>
<p>“You do know I’m <em>your</em> boss, right?” Liv smirked even as she did as told.</p>
<p>“Not tonight you’re not,” Amanda responded cockily. “Although if that’s something you wanna explore in the bedroom in the future, I’d be more than willing.”</p>
<p>Olivia shivered and swallowed before answered breathlessly, “I’d like that.”</p>
<p>“I thought you might. You love being bossy,” Amanda teased.</p>
<p>“Me?” Olivia feigned offense. “What about you?”</p>
<p>“What about me?” Amanda dared, just barely containing her smirk. When the older woman blushed and seemed to grow uncomfortable, Amanda laughed, “It’s okay Liv. I know I’m bossy too. Maybe I could be the dominant one once in a while?”</p>
<p>Liv purred, “I’d like that too.”</p>
<p>“Good. I’m gonna eat you out now.”</p>
<p>“My God,” Olivia gasped.</p>
<p>“You can just call me Amanda,” Amanda teased right before leaning in and kissing Olivia’s pussy. She could smell the woman’s arousal. It was an unfamiliar yet pleasant smell. She wondered if it would taste just as good. Without further ado, she glided her tongue between Liv’s lower lips. She took a moment to investigate the taste and texture. Then she hummed and said, “Liv, you taste so good. Much better than a guy.”</p>
<p>The brunette nodded, “Women taste better in my opinion. I can’t wait to taste you.”</p>
<p>Amanda shivered. She said, “Well, you’ll have to wait; it’s my turn now.” Then Amanda was leaning back in for more. Since Amanda didn’t entirely knowing what she was doing, every once in a while, Liv would tell Amanda what to do and where to focus. Just like at work, the blonde was a fast learner and an expert in reading Olivia’s body language and following her orders. The older woman’s orgasm was steadily approaching. Her hips started undulating uncontrollably. Amanda did her best to hold on for the ride. Olivia was so close. She just needed two things. “Suck on my clit,” she ordered. Amanda did. “Now look at me. Need to see the sky.” Amanda looked up at her with all the love she felt and that was the last shove she needed. Olivia shuddered as she came. She tried not to push too hard against Amanda as she used the blonde to hold herself up. Amanda suckled and licked, extending Olivia’s orgasm and swallowing as much of the woman’s nectar as possible. Finally, Olivia pulled Amanda away and panted, “I need to sit.”</p>
<p>Amanda stood so she could wrap her arm around Liv’s waist and help her down onto the bed. Olivia fanned out like a starfish, earning a giggle from Amanda. “You good?”</p>
<p>“Not as good as you,” Liv chuckled breathily. “You sure that was your first time doing that.”</p>
<p>Amanda rolled her eyes, “It’s not like it’s rocket science.”</p>
<p>Liv lifted her head to glare at her. “Just take the compliment, Rollins.”</p>
<p>“Aye-aye, Lieutenant,” Amanda chuckled.</p>
<p>“Good.” She let her head fall back to the bed and motioned with her hands. “Now come sit on my face. It’s my turn to taste.”</p>
<p>This time, her voice was a squeak as she repeated, “Aye-aye, Lieutenant.” She hurried to [carefully] follow the brunette’s command. As soon as she was straddling Olivia’s head, Liv clutching her ass, Liv dove on in. She moaned at Amanda’s taste while Amanda choked out a curse. She couldn’t take her eyes off her lieutenant’s as she swirled her tongue around and inside her hole and flicked her clit. It felt amazing; guys were usually sloppy and rough- if they even ate Amanda out at all. Liv was nothing like that. Moaning, Amanda grabbed and squeezed her own breasts while her hips rolled slowly. The blonde looked so beautiful, so sexy; Liv’s own pussy clenched and grew wet once again at the sight. Olivia clasped Amanda’s asscheeks tighter, encouraging her to stop holding back, to fuck Olivia’s face, to take her pleasure. Amanda blushed and whimpered. She hesitated for a few moments and then she tilted her head back, breaking their eye contact much to Olivia’s displeasure- though she understood, and thrusted her hips as hard and fast as she needed. Liv stiffened her tongue as taunt as she could and watched as the blonde brought herself to orgasm. Even though she couldn’t see Amanda’s face, it was still an arousing sight to see her chest rapidly expanding and falling. Her skin glistened with sweat. Her hands were still squeezing her breasts. And then her hips lost their rhythm just before stilling all together as she came. Olivia licked her clean.</p>
<p>Eventually, Amanda moved to lay on the bed next to Liv. “Holy shit, Liv. Your tongue is magical. I’m pretty sure I’ve never come that fast.”</p>
<p>Olivia rolled onto her side so she could ghost her fingers across Amanda’s abs, breasts, clavicle, and back down. She stared at the blonde in silence, mesmerized by her beauty. After several minutes, Amanda seemed to feel her stare and turned to look at her. Seeing the way Liv was looking at her, her expression grew vulnerable. “Liv-”</p>
<p>She knew exactly what Amanda was going to say and quickly cut her off. “Hush. If I’m worthy of love then so are you. I’m going to look at you like this always, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”</p>
<p>Amanda smiled shyly but didn’t protest. She moved onto her side to face Olivia, wrapped her arm around her, and pulled her close. She kissed the brunette softly. After a minute, she pulled away so she could rest her forehead against Liv’s. She gazed into Liv’s eyes and, finally, she dropped her inner walls, allowing Olivia to see the deepest parts of her, her self-doubt, her loneliness, her sadness, her hope, her need to be loved. “I guess we’ll just have to remind each other,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“I’ll remind you every day if that’s what it takes.”</p>
<p>“I will too. More than once a day.” A flicker of Amanda’s usual self gleamed in her eyes. The corner of her mouth twitched with a hint of smirk. She loved challenging the brunette.</p>
<p>Olivia loved it too. She grinned. “I love you, and you’re deserving of my love, Amanda Rollins.”</p>
<p>“You’re worthy of my love, Olivia Benson, and I do, so fricken much.”</p>
<p>They made out lazily until they started to get chilly in their nakedness, no longer heated from their lovemaking, and sleepy. Olivia offered Amanda some of her clothes, an old Siena College long-sleeved shirt and sweatpants, and it did indeed turn Liv on. If she weren’t so tired from the last several days, she’d initiate another round of sex. Instead, she and Amanda brushed their teeth, checked on a soundly-sleeping Billie, and got snuggled up together in bed with Olivia resting her head on Amanda’s shoulder, one arm curled around Amanda’s waist, and their legs entwined. Amanda held Liv close and kissed her forehead. “’Night my beautiful guardian angel. Love you. Sweet dreams.”</p>
<p>“You too,” Liv mumbled, already half-asleep. “My sweet Georgia peach.”</p>
<p>Amanda smiled and closed her eyes. In the morning, they both would reflect on how they’d never slept so well before. They’d cook breakfast and get their kids up together. The detective and her lieutenant would sneak many kisses behind their children’s backs. (Or so they thought. Kids are way more observant than adults believe. But neither Noah nor Jesse cared that their moms might be in love.) Olivia would kiss Amanda goodbye before she, Jesse, and Billie left to go back home. It would be the start of a long, wonderful, loving relationship. And neither woman would ever break their promise to always, usually more than once a day, remind the other that she was worthy of love.</p>
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